On Arif's IJN check up at 3 months old, the doctor set the date of his Open Heart Surgery on the 19th of April, Saturday morning.
We were not allowed to let Arif get sick at any point of time between now and the operation date, as getting him sick would postpone his operation hence risking a lot of other things.
A month and a half went by, and Arif had to be admitted on the 17th of April to prep him for surgery. Not a day gone by without me worrying about Arif's operation. It scared me a whole lot. I lost one child, I was not prepared to loose another. The feeling, only a mom would understand. A mom who has a child whom had a heart complication.
Arif was all cheery and happy as he usually is. Everyone in the hospital loved him for his dimpled smile and big wide eyes.
My husband came on Friday evening, the night before Arif's surgery. Both of us didn't sleep well at night. Even Arif. I was given a special antiseptic liquid for Arif to bathe the night and morning before his operation.
That morning, it was total silence, except for Arif's constant giggling and cooing. He had no idea what is happening and what he will be going through in an hour or so. As soon as I put Arif in his operation gown, I couldn't help but tremble, my heart stopped a few times, I swear. This is it... the operation that would determine Arif's future.
Mom and dad came on time in the wee of the morning, 30 mins later, the nurse came in to ask us to bring Arif down to the operation theatre. My heart skipped again. Me, husband and my parent's face went pale.
The nurse asked whether we wanted to hold Arif or bring him down on the operation bed. I told her I'd hold Arif. My parents started crying. Especially dad. Me n Hubs walked in silence, his hand behind my back to support me and Arif. My knees were weak.
In the waiting room, the nurse asked who would accompany Arif into the operation theatre. I will-I said. So after what seems like a life-time (10 minutes to be exact), the nurse called me to change into an operation robe. Mom hold Arif while I changed. 5 minutes later. the nurse called me to bring Arif into the operation theatre. As we went thru, there was at least 1 doctor (the anesthesiologist) and about 4 nurses in the OT room. There were so many gadgets. Arif had no idea what was coming to him. He was smiling and cooing, even smiled to the nurses and doctors. Dr. Siva hasn't come, but I was told he will come only after Arif was under the sedatives. I was told to carry Arif onto the OT Bed. Arif got a bit panic, but managed a smile to the doctor who called his name. The doctor asked me to hold Arif's hand while he injected the anesthetic into Arif. It took less than 30 seconds. Arif was smiling and suddenly froze in my arms, eyes still open. I asked the nurses and doctor what happened, they told me Arif was already unconscious. I called his name, but no response. The nurse pulled me back and told me I had to leave the operation theatre and wait outside. I resisted at first, then I followed suit, controlling back my tears. I manage to turn my head a couple of times to look at Arif before the OT door closed. I then went back to change, all the time having images of Arif unconscious in front of me. Hubs and parents waited outside. We then decided to go downstairs for breakfast. I managed a drink and a snack. Soon after, my uncle and aunties came to meet us.
After breakfast, me and hubs went upstairs to have a rest. We managed less than an hours sleep. The rest were nothing but restless sighs and constant checking on our phone. Took a hot shower to relax myself. Two hours went by, I heard songs being played outside the Children's Ward. I went outside to see a group of people from a company (couldn't remember which) singing music to the other children. I tried to keep myself happy without worrying. Then I met with another patient's mother. Can't remember her name, but her son's name was Ammar. He was in the operation theatre too, for the same condition as Arif, except that he also had a narrowing in one of his valves.
While I was talking to the mom, one of the ward nurse entered. She smiled at me and asked 'Dah tengok anak?'. I told her no, and she was surprised because she was notified that Arif would be coming out of the OT soon. She asked me whether I got a phone call from the ICU nurse, I told her no again. So she mentioned that I should just probably wait unti I get the call from the ICU Nurse. About 20 minutes later, I got a phone call from the ICU Nurse that Arif would be coming out of the OT and me and hubs should be ready at the waiting room. I quickly went into the room, and hubs got the same phone call right after mine. I called mom and told her to meet us at the waiting room in front of the ICU.
It took another 15 minutes of waiting before the security guard called 'Parent to Muhd Arif Zulkarnain, please follow me'. We jumped and followed the guard. He brought us in the ICU where we saw at least 10 child patients in their beds. The guard told us that Arif is being prepared to be transferred from the OT to the ICU and that we should wait in the designated area for Dr. Siva to come and explain to us about the operation before we're allowed to see Arif.
Another 30 mins went by, Dr. Siva finally came. He told us that Arif's operation was successful, Alhamdulillah, though the hole in his heart was bigger than expected. He said that as per normal procedure, Arif would have to be kept in ICU for about 3 days for close observation to see how he handles himself. After the doctor left, we had to wait for another 15 minutes before we could see Arif.
After a total of 3 and half hours, the nurse finally told us we could see Arif. As we walked to his bed, I was hiding behind my husband. Scared to see what Arif would look like. When we reached his bed, our heart dropped, our knees weakened. Arif's eyes was closed and he had so many wires on him. He looked so weak and vulnerable. The ICU Ward doctor came up to us to explain all the wires. There was one in his neck to inject medication, one tube going thru his nose for feeding, one drain tube under his chest to drain the excess blood and fluid from the operation, one urine tube in his little birdie, another tube in his legs for other medications, ECG wires to monitor his heart rate and a heart rate and blood pressure wire stuck on his little feet.
We held Arif's arm and recited Doa's. Talked to Arif for a few minutes and went out to give time to my parents to see Arif. the ICU visiting hours were very strict, and we had only an hour to see him in the afternoon. We waited outside with my uncles and aunties, a few of my cousins came along too. I remember almost everyone of my relative that came out form the ICU after seeing Arif, was all red-eyed and teary-eyed. Seeing my baby whom we know as such a happy baby, being so vulnerable and helpless. I managed to see Arif one more time before the visiting hours finished, giving him a kiss on his forehead before we left.
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